He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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