Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
