I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
