why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
