I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
