What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
