I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
