it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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