I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
