Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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