dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
