this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
