I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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