so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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