i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
