I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
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