I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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