textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
