Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
