Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
