ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
