I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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