i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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