Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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