mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
