I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
