Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
We smell like vodka and hangover
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