It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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