chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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