Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
