quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
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