there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
