Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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