I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
