Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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