Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
that's an acceptable place to lick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
