i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
