It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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