mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
