please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
