This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
