trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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