you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
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