i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
