weddingsv make me drug and hornr
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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