First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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