My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
