Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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