Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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