he puts the penis in happiness.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We're using joints as your birthday candles
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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